


Avengers ASSemble

by Cas_Wings



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: @god Why, Alternate Universe - Crack, Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Come Shot, Crack, Don't Examine This Too Closely, It's 3AM, M/M, Not Serious, The Author Regrets Nothing, This Is STUPID, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Why Did I Write This?, Yikes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-27 06:23:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7607233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cas_Wings/pseuds/Cas_Wings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony Stank is thirsty for Captain Freedom's booty. He gets what he wants, but Buckeroo finds out. Oh no! ((Pure crack. Should not be taken seriously.))</p>
            </blockquote>





	Avengers ASSemble

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anunexpectedhero](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anunexpectedhero/gifts).



> I've seriously never written anything this stupid. I shouldn't be awake at 3am. 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> (Thanks to an anunexpectedhero, aka steverogero.tumblr.com, for coming up with the title for this. All credit to him.)

Tony Stank had always wanted that Captain booty, and today was the day he'd get it. That USDA prime cut of beef would be his, one way or another. Swaggering into his office with all the confidence and vodka his body could hold, he clapped his hand on Steve's broad as FUCK™ back.

"Would it turn you on if I draped a flag over my nude body?" Tony growled, rough and ready.

Steve turned, salivating heavily. "Only if it was the American flag."

"Then I only have one thing to say to you." Tony smirked, leaning forward to whisper in Steve's ear, "America, fuck yeah."

Steve shuddered patriotically. "USA, USA," he chanted, standing to rip off his suit. Beneath the layers of American pride, he wore a flag thong.

"I've never loved my country more," Tony said, dropping to his knees.

Steve paused, thoroughly offended as his love stick dropped to half mast like a flag after an important event. "You should always love America."

Tony bumped his face into Steve's crotch like a baby calf trying to get milk. "C'mon, don't be like that, Capitano. Let me love you."

"Since you put it like that," Steve replied, his bottle rocket shooting up to slap Tony in the face.

Just as Tony wrapped his lips around Steve's pillar of freedom, Buckeroo burst through the nearest window.

"What the fuckety fuck is going on here?!" He roared like a bear protecting its young. "Stevie is mine!"

Tony teased a finger around the rim of Steve's all American asshole, staring Bucky down as he did. "Sorry, but I think the Captain likes his meat thawed out."

Peeling a chunk of ice out of his gorgeous mane, Buck Buck Goose punched his Termiator arm through the nearest wall. "That's not fair!"

"Okay, I know we're fighting, but that was hotter than fourth of July fireworks," Steve commented, letting out a noise akin to a harp seal as he released his little soldiers all over Tony's face.

"See? I'm hot," Bucky said with a smirk, trying and failing to tug his arm from the concrete.

"You're hot and you're cold, you're yes and you're no," Tony sang mockingly, rubbing Steve's anti-aging serum into his skin.

Once Tony Stank stopped being such a big baby about everything, he helped Buckeroo remove his arm from the wall.

"Want a turn with Mr. Freedom?"

Bucky wiggled his eyebrows like Jack Black in School of Rock. "I would kill for one (lol)."

They all got along after that, fucking as often as they could. It was A++++++.

The end.

**Author's Note:**

> Well... That's a thing now. Hope you all got a good laugh out of this, I know I did! If you're interested in reading any of my serious works (I promise they're better), I have everything posted here on AO3 and FF.net under the same username. 
> 
> Also, if you want to find me on tumblr:
> 
> My main blog: cas-wings.tumblr.com
> 
> My Marvel side blog: buckybarneo.tumblr.com


End file.
